As a parent, we want our children to succeed. Part of that success is in learning what their strengths are, and developing those strengths. In order to cultivate these strengths, children need to exercise a daily habit of disciplined focus. These habits will help them to surmount obstacles that invariably come up during life. My advice: let kids explore their passions, and then by modeling your habits of developing these skills, they will transfer that to their area of interest (and it won’t be forced).
As a musician, I would practice a couple of hours a day as a kid to improve my abilities, I know first hand the importance of the habit of practice and developing strengths. When my kids were little I found it difficult to know the great importance of practice and see them neglect to practice, because it ultimately did not align with my kids’ interests. I became a musical tyrant in trying to conform my kids to my model of developing strengths: practicing musical skill. Although all of my kids are gifted musically, none of them have developed the same love that I had for the habit of practicing and improving musically. It was hard for me to let go of that, but I had no other choice. You don’t know when your kid will reveal their area of passion. When they do start demonstrate passion for an area, that is when you can help nurture developing disciplined practice habits.
During my son’s junior year, I was trying to figure out what could possibly motivate him to study for the SAT. He is good academically, but doesn’t love school. I asked him point blank: “what would motivate you to study for the SAT?” His answer, “buy me a squat rack*”, was a window into what he was developing a passion for. He was developing a love for exercise and fitness. He ended up studying daily for the SAT, and I bought the squat rack for him, it was a win-win.
A little backstory is needed, during Covid my son was in eighth grade, and he did what most other teen boys at his time: play video games. Even though he had grown up doing sports, the draw of the competitive 1P shooter games was too alluring, so he spent A LOT of time playing video games. Because he prioritized this above all other activities, including being active (not even going for walks), he got out of shape.
As his school opened back up mid-sophomore year, he decided during the summer break to get back into shape. At first, he focused on improving his cardiovascular health, by using the elliptical machine. He transformed his body and got the svelte shape of a marathon runner. He decided at that point to pivot to develop healthy muscle tone by weightlifting. He was hooked and quickly transformed from a marathon runner physique into what can best be described as a linebacker: muscular.
He was demonstrating his passion when I observed this transformation, which was driven by intense habit forming around improving his (literal) strength, and started observing him coaching others to improve their strength. It was him developing that practice skill/habit that I wanted to instill in him for music, but it expressed itself in the area of his passion: fitness.
On a vacation during spring break, his junior year, he challenged me to start lifting weights. Now while I won’t share any before and after photos, because my body shape hasn’t changed much, my strength and mood have both improved. Recently, using my fitness tracker app, Strong, I hit the 200 workout milestone (over 1.5 years). I have him to thank for modeling his discipline, and encouraging me to exercise the habit of strength training. Thanks son, I’m proud of you. Your grit and determination to improve yourself is admirable, and I love seeing the habit and discipline.
- Squat rack is a piece of workout equipment that allows a person to rack weights on a barbell and do heavy duty squat exercises.